Your love is my Posion
by supermangageek23
Summary: After the wedding, Akane faces the worst thing of her life:depression. She struggles with coming to terms with things and falls into the darkness. Will Ranma help her out? Or will he do more harm than good? *rated M for language and later chapters.*
1. Prolouge

***Ido not own Ranma 1/2, btw this is somewhat dark fic, there will be romance but that will be very far off***

My Deadliest Poison

Like how an addict knows that drugs are a poison they can't get enough even as it slowly kills them from the inside out , they stay addicted.

That's how it feels for me, Ranma your my poison.

~ ~ Prologue:

I was numb.

Simply numb.

The wedding as well as my hopes and dreams were all crushed.

And he.

HE.

He had the look of indifference as my world came crashing down.

I think and I wonder about things.  
>Did he ever love me?<br>Did he ever really care?Was it just his sense of justice and his ego that made to mean special moments.

I was sitting on the floor against my door, I hadn't gone down stairs since we finished cleaning. I felt empty and alone.

Is it my own fault? Did these terrible things happen because of something I did?

I started digging my nails into my palm, not realizing it was bringing blood.

I'm fine. I'm fine. I keep repeating these words like a mantra to myself hoping that if I think it long enough I'll feel fine.

I looked down at my hands, slowly opening my fists, there was blood. I didn't realize my nails were that sharp.

I just looked at the blood going from my hands slowly down my arms.

It was calming. As if the pain was leaving my body through my blood.

I sat for a minute, just watching as the blood stopped and started to dry on my arms and palms.

Blood, more blood.

I scarped my nails against my arms over and over just trying to break the skin.

When I did finally break the skin, I sat there against my door. My arms at my side letting the blood and my pain flow out of me.

I'm not sure how long I sat there or how long I bled, I just know I blacked into dreamless sleep.

As I slept, I felt something wet going down my face. I then realized I was crying. So I cried and cried in my dreamless sleep on the floor of my room against my door, hoping that it would get better.

***Hello hope you like the prologue, i'll add the actual chapter right after this, maybe -_-' heh, anyway please review.***


	2. Not Good Enough

***I do not own Ranma 1/2***

My Deadliest Poison

Akane woke up in aching pain all over, a small puddle of her blood on the floor.

I got up slowly and looked at the digital clock on my desk. It was two in the morning. I got up fully standing feeling all the pain and stretched all the kinks out my back.

I looked down at my arms, there were light pink lines streaked against my pale arms which were coated in my dry blood.

I need to clean up ,without waking anyone and without causing suspicion. I headed to my closet grabbed my clothes and headed down to the bathroom going as quietly as I could manage.

I put my stuff down in the bathroom and headed for the kitchen. Grabbing a few rags that wouldn't be missed and bleach I headed back to my room.

On my hands and knees I cleaned all traces of blood off my floor. I took the now bloody rags and bleach downstairs, putting the rags in a black bag then in the regular trashcan bag I headed back to the bathroom.

I took my time scrubbing my body, it somewhat fascinated me yet made me sick how my blood washed away down the drain.

I sat in the warm tub, all my aches slowly leaving along with the tension. I leaned my head back and closed my eyes.

I tried relaxing but it didn't last long, my brain started to think of all the things Ranma had said over the years about my body.

I stared down at my body in the water. Chest too small, thighs too thick, skin that's not as tan and rather pale.

Should I lose some weight? Should I work up my calcium and maybe get bigger breasts like the other girl's.

My hand came out of the water and fingered the ends of my short hair. Not as long as the other girl's, not as soft or pretty like the other girl's.

My hand went from my hair to tracing my face. Lips not big and pouty but rather small and thin, a nose that doesn't fit , eyebrows not thin and neat.

My hand fell to my side again and before I knew it my hands were scarping at my arms again. I stopped immediately and re-washed my arms, and hurried out of the water.

I put on a giant long sleeve sweatshirt that went a little pass my knees and looked like a dress on my with my bare legs sticking out.

I headed back upstairs quietly passing my father's room, I stopped when I heard his and another voice arguing or at least it sounded as if they were arguing.

"Soun, it's all your tomboy daughter's fault that the wedding was a bust! She led those guys thinking they had a chance so they decided they could ruin the wedding thinking they saved her!"

"Now Genma, don't you dare go insulating my baby girl! Your son ain't no saint! What about all those females who were clinging to him, having little hissy fits and pulling hair! There wouldn't have been a ruined wedding if your stupid son would of choose someone instead of leading them all on!"

"Sure blame it all on my boy, our kids might of gotten together faster if your masculine daughter didn't send him flying everytime he got close to her!"

"Akane had her reasons, besides if your son wasn't such a immature idiot and taken his time getting close to Akane instead of trying to grab at her like some octopus." Soun took a deep breath.

"Look Genma, I don't want to fight with you. It isn't either one of our kid's fault. Let's just- let's just calm down."

Genma breathed out hotly. "Whatever you say, we'll discuss this later."

Akane stood in the darkness leaning against the wall as she heard her father and Ranma's fighting. She held her breath as her father's door opened and Genma walked out going past her and heading to the guest room.

She waited till both her dad and Ranma's dad closed the door. She headed back to her own room quietly closing her door with her head hung low as she crawled under the blankets to her bed.  
>Under the covers balled up Akane layed crying silent tears.<p>

***I swear i'll make longer chapters as I continue, please review***


	3. Sleep Deprived

***I disclaim stuff!***

**My Deadliest Poison**

I woke feeling groggy and stiff. Crawling from my bed to my closet grabbing a pair of shorts, I put them on and headed downstairs.  
>They house felt empty, going into the den I saw food and a note on the table.<p>

_Dear Akane, _  
><em>We thought it best to let you sleep in. This wrapped dish is for you and Ranma, who didn't seem to wake up either this morning. Lunch is in the fridge. Nabiki is with her friend's dad and Genma said they had things to discuss and wouldn't be back for a while. I'll be home in time to make dinner. Rest well, little sis.<em>  
><em>Sincerely,<em>  
><em> Kasumi<em>

Oh Kami, I think I lost my appetite. I can't be left with Ranma. I need to get out of the house. Turning on the balls of my feet and trying to head quickly to the stairs, I ran straight into a muscular male chest.  
>"Where you tryin to go to so fast?" asked a familiar husky, smooth voice. Warm big hands around me , kept me from falling.<br>I kept my head down and tried to think of something to say.  
>" 'Kane?"<br>"I'm fine, sorry. You can let me go now." Was that my voice? Didn't sound like me.

I still hung my head low hiding my face with my bangs. When his arms didn't release me immediately, I removed them and stepped back.  
>He didn't move and neither did I.<br>He shifted and said " Look Akane about... our..the..."  
>"You mean our wedding that was ruined."<br>He was silent for a minute, "I just... you know... I wanted us to talk about it."

"Why?" I looked up to see his expression, taken back I continued on before he could speak. "Everytime I tried to talk to you before, you either found an excuse to go somewhere else, change the topic, or it would end in a fight. What is it that makes you wanna talk now?"  
>I stared at his face waiting for an answer, but he looked away and we went right back into silence.<br>"Jeez Akane, one of the few times I ask you to talk to me you wanna be stubborn and say how I don't wanna talk. Well here we are, and I wanna talk."  
>"Yet... I don't." I sidestepped Ranma, but didn't get far before a strong hand grabbed my arm.<br>"Look, Akane please I just wanna talk." he said as his bangs covered his eyes from my view.

I sighed in defeat and walked back into the den, plopping myself on a cushion.  
>"You wanted to talk, talk." Ranma sat down across from me and looked at me for a moment before running one of his hands through his hair.<br>"Um... uh.. how are you doing ?"  
>"Are you kidding me?"<br>"What? It's a conversation starter. Besides, you don't look so hot."  
>"According to your standers same ol' same ol'."<br>"You know what I- that's not what I meant 'Kane. I just meant you look like your not feeling well. You look a bit pale and there's shadows under your eyes."  
>"It's nothing, I just didn't sleep well." He dropped the subject and looked around the room.<br>~ ~

She looked so small in a big sweatshirt. I could tell she didn't sleep well from the blue marks under her eyes on her pale skin. This was all those stupid, delusional 'friends' of mine fault. If only they hadn't ruined the wedding. I was actually somewhat looking forward to marrying Akane, but it's not like I would ever let her know that.

I somewhat hate to admit it, but I love her and I had a chance to marry her but it was all ruined. Somehow, I gotta another chance, well sorta. This wonderful opportunity was handed to me, everyone was out of the house. Just her and I. But I'm sitting here wasting it. I have no idea how to start talking to her, instead of using this opportunity while no ones around, I'm just sitting across from her like a dumbass.  
>Well it's now or never.<p>

"About what happened yesterday... you know the wedding fiasco." She turned paler. Shit, that can't be good for her.  
>"Well you see, what I wanna say is..."<br>Fuck, I'm screwed.


	4. Kiss

***I do not own Ranma 1/2, sorry for the short chapter but something is better than nothing right? **

**p.s. this chapter was not betaed, so im sorry for any errors***

My Deadliest Poison

_Previously:_  
><em>"Well you see, what I wanna say is..."<em>  
><em>Fuck, I'm screwed.<em>  
>~ ~<p>

I had planned what I wanted to say but I began to blank out. Akane who was still looking a bit pale broke in before I could make a bigger fool of myself. "Look, Ranma, I understand."  
>Okay, I wasn't expecting that.<br>"You do...?"  
>"Yeah, I do. Your upset about us almost marrying and you want to prevent it from happening again." Akane said with her head bent, hiding her face from me.<br>"What the hell? No, Akane... it-it's nothing like that."

She looked up at me and I froze, tears were flowing down her face.  
>"Akane..."<br>"No, I-I I can't do this right now." she said getting up and going for the door.

I got up as fast I could and wound my arms around her waist pulling her back into my embrace. I was blushing and I knew she could tell which made me blush a bit my nose into her neck and inhaling her scent I spoke softly just saying her name. It felt wonderful to have her in my arms, to feel her tiny waist, to feel her warmth.

She was stiff in my embrace but after a few minutes she gave in to the feeling and leaned her head on my shoulder. I looked at her face my chin resting on her shoulder. She was still crying softly, biting her bottom lip."Akane" I spoke softly but she didn't respond, I spoke her name a few more times yet she still looked away.

Getting slightly frustrated I turned her around to face me, cupping her face with my hands and wiping the tears away with my thumbs."Akane... Akane what's wrong?" She sniffled a little, pouting cutely and just stared up in my eyes. Since I wasn't getting any answers I just pulled her into my chest again and rested my chin onto of her head.

She stiffened again for a minute then slowly wrapped her arms around my waist as I rubbed soothing circles into her back. I'm glad no one's home to interrupt or to make this situation into a big deal. That would be just too embarrassing and for some reason I just felt that Akane needed to be held and for some reason I wanted to hold her.

I don't know how long we stood there in each others arms, it wasn't like I wanted to end anytime soon but it did anyway. Akane pulled away and looked up into my eyes just staring at them, I stared back looking at her beautiful brown did something next that was surprising on many different levels. She got on her tippy toes and kissed my cheek before turning around and running upstairs.

I stood there frozen in my spot, her lips felt soft and warm against my cheek. Oh Kami! Akane kissed my cheek! And she did it without some potion, blackmail or any other reason, ( I think) anyway she kissed me!

_Yes!_

__***hello, the next chapter will be longer, or at lease I'll try to make it longer so I'm sorry for the short chapters. Please review oh and next chapter will be back in Akane's pov***


	5. Panic

**okay so im sorry for the late chapter, some quick things to let you know about the following chapter**

**no, akane will not die in this story**

**this is about a person going through depression, with depression you don't necessarily think straight about things**

**more at end notes**

**I do not own Ranma 1/2**

My Deadliest Poison

Akane ran upstairs going straight to her bedroom, closing and locking the door.  
><em>'Why did I do that? Why did I kiss him? It was just, he was so close, What's going to happen now?'<em> Were the the questions going  
>through her head.<p>

She was trying to keep calm but the questions continued to flow through her head 'What if he was disgusted by the kiss? What if  
>he tells someone? What if Nabiki finds out? What If the rest of the family finds out?'<p>

Having a full out panic attack, Akane begin to scrape at her arms again, tears coming to her eyes.

Having lost blood earlier and having not eaten last night or this morning she began to feel dizzy add that to the panic attack she was  
>having, she was border line about to pass out.<br>She tried hard to calm down, knowing that panicking wasn't helping her, she tried really hard but she ended up passing out on the  
>floor of her bedroom, her arms bleeding and staining the floor.<p>

~pov change ~

Ranma meanwhile was in a relatively good mood. even though he didn't talk to Akane like he hoped to, she kissed him so it had to  
>mean something good, right?<p>

He ate his fill of lunch and headed to the dojo for some kata's and general workout.

By dinner time he was tired and came back inside. Looking in the fridge, he noticed Akane's share of the food was still there, as  
>well as her share of dinner.<p>

Did this mean she never came back downstairs?

"Yo Akane!" Ranma yelled from the kitchen, getting no response he went to the stairwell and yelled up again "AKANE! FOOD!"

A feeling of foreboding came over Ranma, taking the stairs two at a time he was up and down the hall in no time.

Telling himself_ 'Calm down, she's probably just asleep, yeah that it. That tomboy probably went out to eat, and came back while I _  
><em>was in the dojo.'<em>

Knocking on her door Ranma called out to her "Akane? Akane, it's me open up, I'm worried."

Deciding hopefully that she was either ignoring him or taking her sweet time answering the door, he turned the knob. Finding it  
>locked, his heart sped up slightly.<p>

"Akane, seriously open the door! Akane! I will bust this door open, and you know I can too! Akane? AKANE!"  
>Deciding that he gave her enough time to open the door he began slamming it with his shoulder, trying to bust the door open.<p>

With his third hit, the door gave a creak and busted open for him "Akane?"

Looking around the room Ranma spotted her on the floor, his heart stopped for a minute before he rushed over.

Kneeling on the ground he turned Akane over and held her head "Akane?" He belatedly realized that there was dried blood on her  
>sweatshirt and that the blood had gotten on the floor.<br>He was kneeling in Akane's small puddle of blood. In a full panic Ranma took Akane's face in his hands and began calling out to  
>her, the images of his worst nightmares in front of him.<p>

"Akane? Akane please wake up, Akane, I can't lose you again. No, never again. Akane please please please be okay, wake up  
>please. AKANE!"<p>

Akane finally stirred slightly, reliving some of the pain in Ranma's heart and tears nearly came to his eyes.  
>"ran...ma?"<br>"Yes it me, I'm here Akane."

Akane gave a soft small smile before subcomming back to the darkness

"Akane?" When she didn't respond Ranma lifted her up, bridal style and jumped through her window.

Going as fast as he could Ranma rushed to Dr. Tofu's office.

"Don't worry Akane" Ranma murmured while the thoughts _'This won't end like Saffron almost did, this won't end like those _  
><em>nightmares did, I will save Akane.'<em>  
>Ran through his head.<br>"You can't leave me, I need you."

**okay so, the reason the updates are quite frequent is because, i have to be in a bad mood or upset to write this story. **

**and also i know what it feels like to be depressed, for everyone it's different and how people handle it are different for everyone, i personally have had panic attacks and they usally stem from a worry and what happens is, i somewhat over think it and the anxiety gets to me thus leading to a panic attack**

**don't worry, this story will end somewhat HAPPILY it just might take a while to get there, i might have the next chapter out soon**

**please tell me your thoughts and i hope you liked this chapter**


	6. Doctor

**hiyo! how's it going, I hope you like this chapter, in advance I need to tell you that Dr. Tofu's feelings for Akane are like a little sister. He's know her since she was a little girl in preschool, so no he has no romantic feelings for Akane. Anyway, again I hope you like this chapter**

**I do not own Ranma 1/2**

My Deadliest Poison

When Dr. Tofu saw Ranma bloody and carrying Akane, limp in his arms, for a moment he panicked.

When he had Ranma lay her down and realized the blood was Akane's his heart skipped a little bit.

He rushed Ranma out and immediately began working on treating Akane. He first hooked her up to an oxygen machine and blood transfusion, he then began clearing away all blood so he could get a good look at the wound.

As he cleared away the blood he realized that the wounds looked self inflicted. He paused for just a second and looked at Akane's face.  
>'Oh Akane, what's happened to you?'<p>

Taking care, to stitch up all open and bleeding marks, then wrapping them.

After finishing everything he went to talk to Ranma.

Ranma rushed up to the Dr. as soon as he was out of the room "What's wrong with her? Is she okay?"  
>"She's okay now, she lost a lot of blood and needs rest. Ranma we should talk, have a seat."<p>

Ranma didn't like the sound of his voice "I'm fine standing."  
>sighed and sat himself down, rubbing his palm down his face.<p>

"Ranma, has Akane seemed...drawn away from things? Has she been feeling down lately?"

"What does that have to do with anything?" Ranma yelled, confused by the question and wanting to get straight to the point.

stared right at Ranma unwavering "Just answer the question Ranma"

Ranma a bit taken aback said "Well... I don't really know..."

gave him a slight glare "You don't whether or not your fiancee has seemed withdrawn or not, you can't even tell if she's been upset lately? Really?"

"Ugh! I don't know, yeah she has seemed a bit unlike herself. Today she woke up late and looked a bit pale. I had been working in the dojo most of the day, when I came back in, I realized she didn't eat. I ran upstairs and she was passed out and there was blood."

Tofu sighed and looked down, if what Ranma said was true, he had a fairly clear idea about what was going on with Akane.

"Are you going to tell me what wrong with her?" Yelled Ranma impatiently.

looked back up "Ranma...it's hard to explain, what's wrong with Akane isn't physical, she-"  
>"What the hell do you mean it isn't physical!"<br>"Ranma..."  
>"There was fucking blood on the floor, blood on her"<br>"Ranma..."  
>"How the hell, can you say it isn't physical, just tell me what the hell hap-"<br>"RANMA!"

Ranma stopped speaking, looking at the now tired looking doctor.

"Ranma, the wounds on her arms were self inflicted..."  
>"What you tryin to say Doc?"<br>"Ranma" Tofu sighed "what I'm saying is, Akane harmed herself. On purpose."


End file.
